Okay, so here is where I would attach cute roommie pictures, but that would be pictures of just myself and I'm not about that.
College year one can be checked off the bucket list. Talk about bittersweet. I lost a good friend and made some wonderful new ones. I cried myself to sleep and laughed so hard my stomach ached. I ate cookies and ice-cream for dinner and went on midnight runs with Laura. I studied for almost twenty-four hours straight and spent hours lying on my bed utterly exhausted but unable to fall asleep. Seriously guys, my bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I should be doing. And I suppose the guilt that comes with knowing there is more you should be doing but aren't never really goes away. That's why even our happiest moments are called guilty pleasures. And I'm definitely guilty of those too.
Most would remedy this with a heaping does of justification, and in truth you can justify just about anything, but you still might feel guilty later. The true and only real remedy is forgiveness. Forgiving yourself daily. Forgiving yourself for pressing the snooze button, grabbing ice-cream after class . . . twice . . . in one day, watching a movie when you should be studying -- that's all easy enough. Forgiving yourself for falling short of your desired score on an assignment you studied so hard for, for not having the perfect group of friends, nor the largest, for the innumerable faults that, given enough time, you could name endlessly -- that's hard.
Sometimes it takes courage to forgive. It takes courage to make new friends, to join an editing staff, to ask a guy on a date, to be yourself, to not set limits and accept when you don't reach your lofty goals, to realize that you made it father than you thought you would just by trying. That's what college is about. Forgiving. Discovering. Trying.
And may I add to that list perhaps the most important element: Faith.
When I found out I was going to get an A- in my British Literature class I thought the world was going to end. But you know what? It all works out. An A- is not the end of the world, as it turns out, (I know, mind blown) and it's not enough to keep you from a scholarship either. Thank goodness.
Some of you who know that I have been planning to serve a mission this summer may ask what happened. I'll tell you. It wasn't that I didn't want to go. I had my papers all ready to turn in and God told me to wait. It was the night before scholarship applications were due, I hadn't decided a major, I hadn't looked at classes (which I would be signing up for in a few days), I'd missed the application deadline to work as a Writing Fellow, and I hadn't looked at a place to live next fall, but I had to trust it would all work out.
I got most of the classes I wanted and am satisfied with my schedule for fall semester.
Though it's still unofficial, I've switched my major to English Language. I got a scholarship. I found a nice place to live. And though at times my stomach sinks when I consider that I'll be living with five other girls I don't know yet, that's part of the adventure. Besides, I'm just so excited to have a roommate again (in case you weren't aware, my past roommate moved out in January).
It's strange to think that yesterday, when my grandma asked me if I wanted her to drop me off at home, she dropped me off at the dorms, and now, less than twenty-four hours later, I am headed home to Georgia. And I can't wait.
Candidly,
Cookie
