The flat that I call home is still and quiet
But I've been up since five
Tip-toeing across the creaky floor
Afraid to make a noise
The rumpling of my bedsheets
Seems the echoing of thunder
So I straighten out my quilt
And call it good
I grab the rose gold ring
The one my brother gave me
And the necklace from my sister
With a silver elephant
It's upturned trunk a symbol of good luck
I keep them on a shelf above my bed
That groans beneath the weight of all my books
Austen's "Pride and Prejudice", "Walden's Pond", "Unwritten"
'The Road Less Traveled", books of poetry
A bible and at least a couple journals
Stuffed with notes and letters
Thirsting for my pen
Cautious of the screeching hinges
That guard our bedroom door
I gather all my books
My black boots, laptop, pencils
A scantly sleeve of crackers
And the Nutella that I snacked on all last night
And exit to the kitchen
Where I at last turn on the light
It's in that very moment
That the grand debate begins:
I really want cracked oats again
But my bananas aren't quite ripe
I could cook some Spanish rice
Roll it in soft tacos
But there are days when even instant takes too long
French toast seems in order
Because I'm really craving syrup
But nearly all my white bread went to feeding Bae and Steady
(My two web-footed friends down at the pond)
Cold cereal was yesterday
And I go through milk too quickly
And this is why two dozen eggs
Barely lasts a week
I turn on podcasts while the eggs cook
Videos of conference
And creative writing lectures
Because I haven't yet let go of dreams
To one day be an author
And with my schedule so demanding
This is sometimes the extent of my pursuits
As I make the walk to campus
I write stories in my head
Like an enchantress with her magic spells
I tell them all out loud
But never to an audience
Except that rare occasion when someone overhears
So I just pretend that I am talking on the phone
Because talking to yourself
Is weird.
Campus is deserted
And when the anthem plays
People turn to statues
With their hands upon their hearts
Shivering beneath their scarves and coats
Their thoughts turning to the busy day ahead
In my thoughts, I'm in my Mandarin class
Rachel's giving me a look that says "Morning came too early
Again."
And I reciprocate
She talks excitedly about her fandoms
And I cry over my recent breakup
With my pillow and my bed
She laughs when someone says her favorite word
"Interesting" in Mandarin
My favorite word is "Pungyou"
Which means friend
In my mind we're walking to my next class
And before I know it
Rachel is reminding me I have another class to go to
Because she knows that I could talk with her all day
After class I go to get hot chocolate
I order a float: hot chocolate with ice cream
And the sweet lady beside me takes the bill
I run into a friend whose eating lunch
And stay to chat a while
She asks me to in just two minutes
Recall life's recent highlights
I recall game nights with Savannah, Tyler and Cameron
Ultimate Frisbee tournaments on a Saturday afternoon
Dancing in the rain with my friend because we're both Pluviophiles
Watching movies with the girls downstairs who help me grade my papers
Walking down the street to pick up pizza Friday night
Getting called in for an interview with Writing Fellows
Which is every writer's dream job, or at least it's mine
I recall grabbing FROYO samples as I walk to my apartment
Walking to the temple Wednesday nights
Drinking hot chocolate floats at the "mormon bar" (just rootbeer and coco)
Talking with a friend for hours
Going on a late night run with my running buddy, Laura
Playing Banana Grams with my sister and her hubby
Walking out of the testing center with a smile on my face
Receiving a sweet note that I keep in my phone case
Because it makes me smile every time I read it (even though I have it memorized by now)
Editing a paper for a friend (because, yes, it's true, I actually enjoy that)
And then lying in my bed at night
And smiling
Because I know that when I wake
All I need to love
Will be right before my eyes
My bedroom door no longer creaks. I fixed it with a bit of the grease I use for my French Horn. And I've actually been out of eggs for a while. Come to think of it, I've been out of everything for a while. I keep meaning to go shopping, and it will happen eventually. In the meantime steel cut oats has become a staple. Breakfast. Lunch. And dinner.
I have, since this poem, strengthened my relationship with my pillow and bed, which is a good thing really; our long distance relationship wasn't working out so hot.
And I've taken my writer's dreams beyond podcasts in the morning; I recently entered a speech contest, but it'll be another couple weeks until I hear the results.
I made it through my last round of midterms and am celebrating on Friday with Oreos and Peanut Butter while I watch Inside Out with Rachel, who I can't believe hasn't seen it yet. In case you couldn't tell, I kind of really love this movie. I find it a little ironic that Sadness is my favorite character. Why? because she makes me happy.
And when even sadness makes you happy . . . life doesn't get much better than that.
Candidly,
Cookie
