“What would you have today if you had only what you had
thanked God for yesterday?”
These past few days I have been reading over the emails that
a friend and I sent back and forth while I was on my mission. It’s
heart-warming and inspiring to remember the miracles and mercies I saw almost
daily, to see how I struggled and overcame, and to recognize anew the love and
prayers of family and dear friends which were, if not my foundation, in the
least the walls I leaned on.
But honestly what has struck me most recently about these emails is the
things I was excited to do when I came home—everything I looked forward to and everything
I missed, everything I thought of and added to the after mission bucket list.
There were things as small as listening to some music my friend had
recommended, attending the Krishna temple worship service, watching Beauty and
the Beast live action, and taking a Latin dance class. And then there were
things as momentous as sitting on a wall on campus with a good friend and just talking about life. When every week I attempted to pour out my soul and experiences in one typed email I had only an hour to write, that’s what I looked forward to the most: just talking.
Honestly, looking back, most of the items on that after-mission bucket list have yet to be crossed off. There are times I wish I could
go back to the mission just so I could keep dreaming about the life I might be
living now. I could dream about the classes I’d take, the people I’d meet, the
shows I’d watch, and the time I would have alone to read all the books waiting
for me on my goodreads shelf (which, to be honest, I still just dream about).
But then gratitude stops me to take an inventory. Yes, there
are things I have yet to do, but back then when I dreamt of this perfect world
I’d come back to, even then, did I dream it as good as it is now? Could I have dreamt that I’d finish my first semester back with a 4.0? Could I
have dreamt that I would love my chemistry class and make such good friends?
Could I have dreamt of the jobs I luckily landed? Could I have dreamt of the
wonderful dates I would go on, of how kind, fun, and supportive my roommates
would be?
After our morning run yesterday I asked my boyfriend the question, “What
would you have today if you had only what you had thanked God for yesterday?”
His reply was clever, “Well, I’d start thanking him for all the things he hasn’t
given me. For the million dollars that would fall from the sky, for plane
tickets to Japan . . .”
I thought about that and about what I would thank him for, and
I realized, quite happily, that if I were to thank him for all he hadn’t given
me, there really wouldn’t be all that much to thank him for, except for one thing. I'd thank him for the time I'd spend sitting on a wall on campus or on the grass with a friend, just talking.
Okay, so being honest, there are of course times that I have just talked with a friend, and many wonderful family and friends who do more than their share to oblige me in this insatiable desire, but in my opinion, if I could be so greedy, there could always be more.
