In her post, Katelyn discusses why it is that we are often so reluctant to ask for help, boiling it down to one fault: pride. With this, I couldn't agree more. But I believe there can be another motive for hiding weakness: it's safer. It seems counter-intuitive. And honestly, it is. But not entirely.
One of my very favorite books of all time is Ender's Game. I still have memories of lying in bed with my dad as he read it to me back when I was--oh, probably ten or so. He was so good at the voices--my favorite was Graff's. I loved the book so much that I've read at the start of nearly every school year since--roughly eight times now. With each reading, I found myself empathizing with different characters and gaining new perspectives. One of my favorite quotes from the book is when the main character, Ender, reflects on his relationship with his enemy, the buggers.
"In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it's impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then in that very moment when I love them - "
"You beat them."
I've always loved that quote, but it wasn't until my much later readings that I began to truly understand it.
To be loved and understood is to be vulnerable. When someone knows your struggles, knows your weaknesses, knows what you love and what you fear, knows your secrets . . . they can hurt you.
They can judge you, condemn your weakness as folly, leave you when you need them most, tell your secrets, betray your trust . . .
And so, especially for those who have been hurt, it seems better--safer--to handle things alone.
But there's a terrible flaw in this.
It's hard to wipe a tear that hasn't fallen.
How often do we lend comfort or counsel to those whose lives seem perfect?
Most often, we don't.
And that's where this idea of "safety" becomes dangerous. It's harder to get hurt, but it's also harder to get help. We aren't meant to suffer on our own.
This is where pride comes back in. Because some are too prideful to admit faults, others fear to do so.
Because some are too prideful to ask for help, others never get the chance to give it, and to realize they are not the only ones who need someone--that they are not alone. They miss out on one of the best cures: perspective.
When we pretend to be perfect and fine we not only give in to pride, but we contribute to the fear and insecurity that stifle so many cries before they can even be uttered.
When we are willing to ask for help when we need it we are not only helping ourselves but helping those whom we ask it from and those who would have otherwise been too afraid to ask. Perhaps it may be eye opening, but not wrong, to say then, that when we try to do everything on our own we are in fact being selfish.
So today I want to ask you to do two things. One, give someone the opportunity to help you and, two, dry a tear before it falls--give someone a hug, call a friend, leave a nice note.
Just because some are too afraid to cry, does not mean there are not tears to dry.
Candidly,
Cookie
Perception
is the one reality
Reality is
not the things we see
But rather,
it’s connections, friendships, love
The things,
unseen, we only can perceive
How great,
how glorious, how complete this sight!
One in which
our hearts and souls delight
A world that
shines by filaments of love
Where all
are seen for their potential light
A world
where sep’rates only true in sight
Sight, that
instrument that sings us lies
For though
we may feel all alone, our love
Does bind us
with inseparable ties
So hug me. For
a moment, hold me close
That my eyes
may see the truth that my heart knows
