Let me back up a little. Last night, Dallin came into my room, stole my stuffed elephant, Timba, and proceeded to strangle him with his plastic anaconda. I emerged from my room later that night to find an army of plastic snakes, scorpions and the like lined up and coiled outside my door, with the anaconda in the act of biting and strangling a small stuffed puppy. The message was clear, to me at least. "Give me your elephant or else we will kill the puppy."
Fast forward to the note he gave me in church. It was signed -
Taddy jr. (and other frogs) *these would be his real pet frogs*
Fuzzy lips *his nickname for Jacob's pet hamster whose real name is Little Dude*
Snake Lord *apparently the title of his anaconda*
Siclids *in the fish tank downstairs*
Stickers *the name of my favorite of the fish in my tank, an algae-eater*
Sir Squeeks *another bottom feeder in my fish tank*
Goldy *I didn't know the goldfish had a name. Apparently Dallin is only waiting for it to get big enough to use for live bate to fish with. Kind-a cruel to name your bait, I'd say*
Asasy Snail (and other tank snails) *so once upon a time my fish tank was overrun by an army of snails, so we bought an assassin snail to take care of them . . .*
Apparently all the animals in the house (living and plastic) were in cohorts against my elephant. I had to think fast. I circled Sticker's name and wrote beside it, "He's a traitor to your cause. He'll save the elephant" and signed it "Fish" (Fish is the name of my stuffed puppy. Why do I have a puppy named Fish? Because my brother named my fish Puppy, which was at the time the name of my Puppy. Well, we couldn't have that now, could we?)
Dallin took the paper and scribbled his reply, "He actually can't do anything. He's stuck to the edge of the tank." To this I replied, "That's what you think."
Dallin smirked as he took back the paper. "I used superhero glue," he wrote.
I circled the word superhero. "Yep. That's what he is. Oh whoops. I revealed his secret identity . . ."
Dallin writes, "He has Kryptonite in the tank."
I took the paper and wrote back, "That's not his weakness. Ha ha."
Dallin: "His red eyes are proof of his evil."
Me: "Or evidence of his supersonic x-ray vision."
Dallin took the paper and had it for a while. I was beginning to wonder what he could be writing that would take him so long when he handed it back.
This is what he had written:
Taddy (his real poison dart frog) has accidentally poisoned some of the others. The Sicklids got sick. Asasy Snail killed other fish and snails. Snake Lord: "Fuzzy Lips (the hamster) is yummy". Fuzzy lips: "squeak."
A bit confused, I smiled and wrote back, "Basically your team has defeated itself . . . (?)"
When he made no reply I assumed his surrender.
Then we got to the car and Dallin handed me two notes. The first note read,
Thes es nudder note from the anti-elly squad. We have suceded in capturing elly and are holding her *umm, Elly is a guy, thanks* ransome at the price of a game of Risk. From Taddy Jr and other frogs, Brown Fluff Ball *another name for the hamster, which I assumed to be dead . . . Apparently Snake Lord couldn't catch him* , Sicklids, Remaining Fish *okay, so the fish actually did get eaten. I'm impressed Asasy Snail could catch them*, Asasy Snail, and Snake Lord.
P.S. If you don't pay the ransom by tomorrow Elly is history.
This was followed by the second note which read,
Time is running away, so is Elly. We suceded in capturing her again, and our ransom is still in place. Her *once again, it's a he. Get it right* certain doom is drawing closer. Here is a picture of the doomedd elephant. *This was accompanied by a crude drawing that looked like a worm riding on two stumps, with a really long tongue and big eyes. The worm was crying, "Help me."* We are sure this will convince you to pay the ransom. Frum Taddy and other frogs, all aquatic animals, and Snake Lord.
When we got home, Dallin beat me into the house. I arrived at my room to find Elly was gone.
He *take note Dallin, HE, not SHE* will be returned when I win our game of Risk. Notice I said when, not if.
I missed playing with my little brothers. I hope they are kind to their hostages.
Candidly,
Cookie
