Heading Home

Okay, so here is where I would attach cute roommie pictures, but that would be pictures of just myself and I'm not about that.
College year one can be checked off the bucket list. Talk about bittersweet. I lost a good friend and made some wonderful new ones. I cried myself to sleep and laughed so hard my stomach ached. I ate cookies and ice-cream for dinner and went on midnight runs with Laura. I studied for almost twenty-four hours straight and spent hours lying on my bed utterly exhausted but unable to fall asleep. Seriously guys, my bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I should be doing. And I suppose the guilt that comes with knowing there is more you should be doing but aren't never really goes away. That's why even our happiest moments are called guilty pleasures. And I'm definitely guilty of those too.
Most would remedy this with a heaping does of justification, and in truth you can justify just about anything, but you still might feel guilty later. The true and only real remedy is forgiveness. Forgiving yourself daily. Forgiving yourself for pressing the snooze button, grabbing ice-cream after class . . . twice . . . in one day, watching a movie when you should be studying -- that's all easy enough. Forgiving yourself for falling short of your desired score on an assignment you studied so hard for, for not having the perfect group of friends, nor the largest, for the innumerable faults that, given enough time, you could name endlessly -- that's hard.
Sometimes it takes courage to forgive. It takes courage to make new friends, to join an editing staff, to ask a guy on a date, to be yourself, to not set limits and accept when you don't reach your lofty goals, to realize that you made it father than you thought you would just by trying.  That's what college is about. Forgiving. Discovering. Trying.
And may I add to that list perhaps the most important element: Faith.
When I found out I was going to get an A- in my British Literature class I thought the world was going to end. But you know what? It all works out. An A- is not the end of the world, as it turns out, (I know, mind blown) and it's not enough to keep you from a scholarship either. Thank goodness.
Some of you who know that I have been planning to serve a mission this summer may ask what happened. I'll tell you. It wasn't that I didn't want to go. I had my papers all ready to turn in and God told me to wait. It was the night before scholarship applications were due, I hadn't decided a major, I hadn't looked at classes (which I would be signing up for in a few days), I'd missed the application deadline to work as a Writing Fellow, and I hadn't looked at a place to live next fall, but I had to trust it would all work out.
I got most of the classes I wanted and am satisfied with my schedule for fall semester.
Though it's still unofficial, I've switched my major to English Language. I got a scholarship. I found a nice place to live. And though at times my stomach sinks when I consider that I'll be living with five other girls I don't know yet, that's part of the adventure. Besides, I'm just so excited to have a roommate again (in case you weren't aware, my past roommate moved out in January).
It's strange to think that yesterday, when my grandma asked me if I wanted her to drop me off at home, she dropped me off at the dorms, and now, less than twenty-four hours later, I am headed home to Georgia. And I can't wait.

Candidly,
Cookie

What if I fall?

Near the very beginning of this school year while talking with a friend, I took notice of a beautiful little drawing she had on her wall. It was a quote, beautifully depicted and it spoke to me.

Eight months later, I get a note slipped under my door that reads, "Hey Brooke! I was cleaning my room and found this and was wondering if you would want it? I drew this quote at the beginning of fall semester when I hit a rough patch and wanted to pass along the message that sometimes life is scary and we think we are doomed for failure, but really we should be focusing on the chance of success and flying. Happy almost Summer! I wish you the very best as this semester winds down. Best wishes and love."

Along with it was her precious drawing. 

Candidly,

Cookie

I Can Fly!

Technically, you can't literally touch anything. The atoms that you are made of and the atoms of, well, everything else, repel one another. This means we're not technically walking on the ground. We all float just slightly above it. So slight, it's basically meaningless. But, I feel much cooler floating than not, so even if it's meaningless, I'm still opting to count that minuscule gap between me and the floor.

See, I told you I can fly.

Candidly,
Cookie

Don't Let Me Forget!

The present is as uncertain as the future.
And right now the future is pretty uncertain.

I was so certain that I wouldn't miss this place. I'm so excited to go home that perhaps I overlooked all those frivolous things, that, as the time to leave draws nearer, I realize I might actually miss. There's so many little things I want to remember.
I want to remember that waking up on the right side of the bed is not an option. Maybe that explains some of the difficulties of college life. I suppose I could sleep in the empty bed on the far wall with my feet facing the door. Then I could get up on the right side of the bed. But I'm a creature of habit and that's too much change.
Though at times it keeps me awake and I hate it,  I want to remember the laughter that echoes down the halls because the doors and walls of the dorm halls are parchment and they keep few secrets.
I want to remember late night runs with Laura, the crisp air so cool and fresh, the snow at the top of the mountains hovering like a cloud, glowing softly in the moonlight. It always felt so good.  I could never help but smile and even laugh. Laura would look at me as if to say, "What is there to laugh about?" I never told her. But, Laura, I'll tell you now. On my playlist of the songs I run to is "Wonder of Wonders, Miracle of Miracles." This song, from Fiddler on the Roof, lists a number of Biblical miracles and then concludes, " . . .But of all God's miracles large and small the most miraculous of them all is the one I thought would never be: God has given you to me." That's why I laughed Laura. I was thanking God for a beautiful night and a wonderful friend to spend it with. I still remember when we walked to the creamery together to get french fries and you said to me, "You're a good friend," then paused and added, "At the beginning of the year I had no idea we'd be friends." To which I could only smile. I'd known. And I'd just waited. Luckily, you came around.
I want to remember sharing soup out of the pan we cooked it in because we didn't want to do dishes.
I want to remember watching Collabro's Britain's Got Talent audition so many times that I had the judges comments memorized. Seriously guys, it's so beautiful!
I want to remember stopping by the ice-cream counter and sampling a couple flavors every day on my way home from class. I'd just take my sample and leave, but don't worry, they got their money's worth. Occasionally, after work, myself and a fellow coworker, Brighton, would stop by on our way home. I want to remember splitting a banana split with her or running to the creamery at 11:00 to grab some french toast or a grilled PB and J (which is quite delicious by the way).
I  want to remember coming back from a run with friends at 10:30 at night freezing, grabbing a grilled PB and J and sitting outside talking till almost 1:00. I remember as it neared midnight and we sat under the stars shivering and eating our sandwiches, I'd spoken out loud the thought of how different it would be if midnight were actually lunch time. "Wouldn't it be interesting," I said, "if life were completely different" (I sound so smart after midnight, don't I? :). To this Margaret responded, "Wouldn't it be different if life was completely interesting."
Well, that's college for ya.
I want to remember the majestic mountain mornings and the splendid setting sun. I want to never cease to let it take my breath away.
I want to remember these guys, my dish room crew, the Sud Squad.

You know life is good when work gives you friends and food :)

"Sud Squad on three - One. Two. Three. SUD SQUAD!"

I want to remember playing darts with the forks against a grate, bowling down the conveyer belt, playing frisbee with the shallow plastic baskets, counting how many pegs were in the dishwasher (3,288 in case you were wondering), dancing to the swing station, and singing "Hallelujah" and "I'm on top of the World" every night as we closed up.
Hallelujah! the year is over. And man oh man, I'm on top of the world. I may not know what's in the future - what my major is, where I'll work, if I'll like my roommates, where to work over the summer . . . but you know what? Right now, life's pretty darn good, and if I can just always say that, then life always will be.

The future is as uncertain as the present.
And the present is certainly good.

Don't ever let me forget that!

Candidly,
Cookie

Me Day

It really is as peaceful as it looks. 

Chillin in my gorgeous easter socks. I still can't get over my fuzzy pillow.

^Life

Today I took three finals. That's right. Finals. And you know what that means? That means the semester's almost over! Bless you beautiful finals.
Anyhow, to celebrate I declared today a Me day, a date with myself so to speak. And so in the name of chivalry I had to get myself ice-cream because, at least in college life, every good date involves ice-cream. And the best part about a date with yourself? When you share, you get double :).
Then I took a walk because gosh darn it, the world is so gorgeous this time of year! This morning as I was walking up to campus the wind whispering through the trees told me they need some appreciation. I thought, that's not so much to ask in return for all these beautiful blossoms scattering the sidewalks. And the trails around campus are so peaceful.
Then I rented a puppy to play with. Because, yeah that's what you do in college. But no shame. Sofie was adorable. And nothing makes fast friends like a cute little puppy. Sofie made me famous :) and oh so happy.

Meet Sophie

She curled up like this all on her own

And then we took naps . . . :)

Then, as the grand finale, I started packing because I'm just that excited to come home. Packing may not sound like the most fun way to end a Me Day, but it is what you make of it. I jammed out to "All Star" and "Smash Mouth" and my oh-so-kind date made me popcorn.

Candidly,
Cookie